Joke Of The Week

Ron Chester, 89 years of age, was stopped by the police around 2 AM and was asked where he was going at that time of night.

Ron replied, “I’m on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late”

The officer asked, “Really? Who’s giving that lecture at this time of night?”

Ron replied, “That would be my wife.”

3 Responses to “Joke Of The Week”


  1. 1 Tom Ryan May 6th, 2017 at 10:57 am

    “Woman Chops Off Sleeping Husband’s Penis,
    Then Drops It From Moving Car”

    Don’t laugh, it’s true and it could happen to you!!!

    Right now, thousands of agitated, irate woman have read the headline and are contemplating
    similar action against you the next time you make an unwanted sexual advance, look at them the wrong way, or just piss them off in general.

    Men Protect Yourself NOW!!!

    If you find yourself a victim of CDS (Chop and Drop Syndrome) could you be sure the appropriate authorities would find your chopped member in time and intact? Could you be sure the penis part they found was yours?

    ** Inquire NOW about our low cost Penis Protection Plans **

    Plan #1: We’ll register your penis and scrotum and tattoo them with their own unique registration numbers, insuring that in case of separation, you’ll get a perfect match every time.

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  2. 2 Tom Ryan May 7th, 2017 at 9:30 am

    THE NEW SECRETARY

    1 – Mr.Third got himself a new secretary. She was young, sweet and polite. One day, while taking dictation, she noticed his fly open. When leaving the room, she politely said, “Oh, Mr. Third, did you know that you left your barracks door open?”

    He did not understand her remark, but later on he happened to look down and saw his zipper was open.

    He decided to have some fun with his new secretary; calling her in he asked, “By the way, Miss Jones, when you saw the barracks door open this morning, did you also see a soldier standing at attention?”

    The secretary was quite witty, replied politely, “Why no, Mr. Third, all I saw was a little veteran sitting on two old duffle bags.”

    2- IF YOU ARE UNHAPPY….

    Once upon a time, there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter. However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly started to fly south. In a short time ice began to form on his wings and he fell to the earth in a barnyard, almost frozen. A cow passed by and crapped on the little sparrow. The sparrow thought it was the end. But, the manure warmed him and defrosted his wings. Warm and happy, able to breathe, he started to sing. Just then a large cat came by and hearing the chirping, investigated the sounds. The cat cleared away the manure, found the chirping bird and ate him.

    The moral of the story:

    1. Everyone who shits on you is not necessarily your enemy.

    2. Everyone who gets you out of shit is not necessarily your friend.

    3. And, if you’re warm and happy in a pile of shit, keep your mouth shut.

  3. 3 Red Dog May 7th, 2017 at 7:20 pm

    A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the pearly gates.”Have you ever done anything of particular merit?” St.Peter asked. “Well I can think of one thing” the cowboy said. “On a trip to Sturgis out in South Dakota I came upon a group of bikers that were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone but they wouldn’t listen. So I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring,and threw it on the ground. I yelled “Now back off or I’ll kick the living shit out of all of you!” .St. Peter was impressed. “When did this happen?”………..”A couple of minutes ago”……..

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